[opening theme music]
Will somebody please cue that bird?
♪ Samurai pizza cats Oooh yeah!♪
♪ Who do you call when you want Some pepperoni?♪
♪ Samurai Pizza cats♪
♪ They're stepping out crime♪
♪ And you know That ain't baloney♪
♪ There's Speedy Cerviche, He's the leader of the bunch♪
♪ A heck of a fighter Makes a heck of a lunch♪
♪ And little Polly Esther Who's never afraid♪
♪ Of going into battle When the bad guys invade♪
♪ Here's Guido Anchovis, A wild romantic rover♪
♪ This cat gets down, down With a love hangover♪
♪ Here come the Pizza Cats They're so bad♪
♪ They've got more fur than any Turtle ever had!♪
♪ They're stronger Than old cheese♪
♪ Stronger than old cheese♪
♪ Stronger than dirt♪
Stronger than dirt.
♪ Step on their tails♪
Get off of my tail!
♪ And you're gonna get hurt♪
Don't hurt me!
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They're fighting crime All over town!♪
♪ Three, two, one, Pizza Cats are on the run!♪
♪ The Big Cheese is the villain, Who's lower than low♪
♪ It's a rotten shame He lives in Little Tokyo♪
♪ We've got a nasty Bad Bird And some nasty Ninja Crowes♪
♪ As soon as someone Finds the script♪
♪ We might begin the show♪
♪ Sit right back, Pick up your feet♪
♪ And turn the sound up high♪
♪ And if you want the full effect go eat a pizza pie!♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
[narrator] Lunch time in Little Tokyo
and business is booming, which of course,
makes the Pizza Cats very happy.
One of them seems especially delirious with delight today.
Here's your order, you beautiful person, you.
We serve pizza any style, guaranteed to make you smile,
what can we do for you?
Guido, darling, if you're not too busy,
could you make a delivery?
Polly, have I told you how much I admire you?
And I love your hair.
Oh, thanks.
[narrator] The friends watch amazed as Francine
slaves away like a jolly lunatic.
They've never seen her so courteous, so efficient,
but most of all, they've never seen her so gosh darn happy.
It was a pleasure cleaning up your little boy's mess.
I've seen this sort of thing before.
-What is it, rabies? -Love.
-Huh? -Yeah, with a big L-U-V.
I think there's a man in her life.
That's worse than rabies. What a drag.
Okay, Francine. Tell us what you're so happy about.
You like the cat who ate the canary.
So, spit it out. Who's the guy?
His name is Bucky, You know, that tall handsome
deer with the great antlers.
[all] You're kidding. What does he see in you?
Why do you want to spend time with a deer?
They're so stupid, they get hypnotized by headlights.
And they eat twigs, talk about dumb.
Why did I open my big mouth?
[narrator] Meanwhile the Big Cheese puts
the finishing touches on his latest evil scheme.
And his makeup?
I know you want more exposure, but Disney'snot looking
to replace Minnie Mouse, despite what your agent said.
For one thing, you're a rat, not a mouse,
and you're not a female.
Wait 'till they see me.
-Ta-dah -I can't look.
It's degrading for a crow to see his boss wearing eyeliner.
-Jerry? -No!
Come on, take a peek. Jerry.
Yoo-hoo, I'm here. Please, here.
[yells]
[laughs]
You're just jealous of my bone structure.
[narrator] Since the Big Cheese and Jerry Atric
are a little preoccupied, we'll have to find out
on our own what sort of sinister plot the rotten rat
and his heinous henchmen are cooking up.
For at this moment, far below Little Tokyo in the very bowls
of the sewer system--Oh, can we say that on television?
Well, in any event, suffice to say
that the little stinkers are up to no good.
Well, here goes.
Snap, crackle, fizz, pop!
I just love zapping stuff with electricity.
I haven't had this much fun since high school chemistry.
[narrator] Our heroes watch in alarm
as the love-struck Francine proves once and for all
she's definitely not a liberated female.
A woman's nothing without a man.
Yes, well, the views expressed from our characters
are not necessarily those of the management.
The next day finds Francine eagerly anticipating
her first date.
I enjoy being a girl.
[Speedy] Sheesh, how many cups of coffee did she have
this morning?
[Polly] She's really hung up on the Bucky character.
Come on, guys. Are we going to let this roadshow
bull winkle break up our team?
[both] No.
[narrator] And suddenly he appears. Psst, he appears.
Oh, there. There he is.
Dream boat!
Must be him.
That noble head, those soft eyes, Bucky!
[narrator] Oh, enough. This is getting too sappy.
Before the poor girl makes a compete fool of herself,
let's scout away to city hall, where we find Big Al Dente.
Well, frankly, looking pretty foolish himself.
Huh? That's the last time I eat blowfish.
Whoopsie daisy!
No big deal.
Ouch, oof!
Okay, stay calm. We're in complete control here.
No need to hit the panic button.
[yells]
We know what that mean, don't we?
He set off the alarm bells our heroes
wear around their necks.
You guys saw it, didn't you? It was an accident.
Huh? Oh, no, come on.
[all] Is this rotten timing, or what?
[narrator] I have a sneaking suspicion that our heroes
aren't going to be too happy when they find out
that this was a booboo.
Come on!
Sometimes I hate my life.
Stood up on the first date. How do you like that?
The Pizza Cats take the news well.
[all] What?
You fleabag bull dog, I was on my dream date.
How could you push it by accident?
I kind of tumbled into it.
[screams]
If I hurry, maybe I can get back before Bucky decides
I'm a complete flake and goes off to rub antlers
with someone else.
Blast me off, Polly.
Which button do I hit?
Try the one that says blast off.
What a day. I wanted to be the perfect Cosmo girl,
come to a pretty pathetic way to run into my man,
and then this happens.
[narrator] Meanwhile, maybe we can finally learn about
the Big Cheese's latest wicked scheme.
People are dying to know about your latest wicked scheme.
Care to comment?
Happy too, old pal.
I hate the sexual role models we all have to play,
so I plan to turn them upside down.
We're all on pins and needles. Do tell us about it.
I've created a device that will turn boys into girls,
and girls into boys.
Let's see what that does to the equal rights amendment.
That's enough, old bird. Cut to commercial
With pleasure.
[Lucille] Bucky! Bucky, where are you?
[screaming]
This way. I'm over here.
Coming!
[yells]
I guess that's what it feels like when two hears collide.
Are you hurt, dear Bucky?
No, felt great.
[narrator] What could this terrible trembling be?
Could it be the beating of two young hears in love?
No, I think somebody must have got a bad burrito.
But neither love, nor food is responsible
for the commotion.
It looks like the writers on this show are the only ones
who occasionally lay an egg.
You're drooling on my shirt, honey.
Drooling? How embarrassing. I don't know what came over me.
Maybe they were right.
Maybe I do have rabies and I'm starting to--
No, no. This must what love feels like.
Yeah. It's a kick in the head, huh?
Maybe if we take care of the Big Cheese right now,
we can skip the boring fight scene we always have to do.
But, Speedy, if we finish him now,
the show will be too short.
So? Then we'll go home early. What so bad about that?
We still get paid the same.
[narrator] It's just this sort of lazy thinking
that's making Little Tokyo a second-rate economic power.
But fear now, there will be no half days today,
because our heroes are going to need everything they got
to defeat the Big Cheese's latest and wicked scheme yet.
Latest and wickedness scheme.
When are you going to stop being so vague
and tell them what it is?
I was getting to that.
These are gender bender butterflies.
They look harmless enough, but when they land
on an unsuspecting victim,
strange behavioral changes take place.
No, please. I don't want to go with you.
Come on, doll. Let's have a little fun.
Oh, that does it! Get your hoofs off of me, you big ox!
Huh?
Oh, rejection!
I can't stand rejection!
I've got fresh halibut here, fresh flounder.
Not to mention--
The most adorable sardines you ever did see.
You're the crème to my kibble, baby.
I'm crazy about you.
[both] Huh?
You put the wag in my tail, you hotdog, you.
Oh, Mitzie, you're such an animal.
Unaware of this strange sexual revolution,
Francine and Bucky stroll
through the Little Tokyo galleria.
[man] I don't believe in relationships between
different species.
Yeah, they never work out.
Huh?
What do they know, honey? Don't listen.
Animals should stick to their own kind.
Francine, come on, cheer up.
I won't even let my daughter see dogs of a different breed.
Honey.
You don't believe that bunch, do you?
No. Just let me powder my nose.
Sure.
[cries]
It can't be wrong for me to love someone like Bucky.
He's such a dear.
[Polly] What is that thing?
[Guido] Looks like a giant football.
Well, if that's a football,
I hate to see the sizes of the line backers.
Okay, x-ray specs on.
These things cost me 75 cents, and three cereal box top,
so they better work. Ah-hah.
Bad Bird! I should have known.
Pull back, you nitwit. All I can see is your big ugly face.
That's better. Now get moving, we don't have all day, you know.
Right. Time to drive this football down the field.
[Speedy] Hey, this guy is going for a touchdown,
and nobody's touching him.
We got to get some defense out there.
Do you want man to man, or zone defense?
I vote for a zone.
Enough collar commentary, you guys. Let's get going.
My lord, it's a fiasco. A disaster.
They must be nuts not to play a man to man.
[narrator] Back at the mall, our young lovers
have finished buying CDs and playing videogames,
and are sitting down to eat some frozen yogurt.
But I don't mean to make them sound superficial.
This looks like a nuclear reactor.
Hope it tastes better than one.
What a witty thing to say.
-Hm? -Ah!
Why is the alarm going off?
Is your yogurt having a meltdown?
Hey, I'm sorry. I'm as concerned about nuclear power
as the next guy.
[Francine] Every time we're about to get close,
this bell goes off.
Maybe it's trying to tell me something.
What is it, Francine? Are you okay?
No, I'm not.
Is it something I said?
Go on, bug. Get out of here.
I suddenly have the feeling that all my life
I've been suppressing my most creative urges.
Suppressing your what?
I think I'll start taking water color classes somewhere.
Yes. Ciao.
Hey, what about the bill? Huh?
[narrator] For the first time, she notices the change
in her fellow citizens.
I still want to know who's going to pay the bill.
Ah! Beat it!
[gasps]
That insignia. The Big Cheese!
Who does that rotten rodent think he is,
turning my boyfriend into a mansy-pansy water coloring wimp!
[chattering]
You're hopeless. If you're wooded pogo sticks,
you'd get there faster.
Not very supportive today, are we?
-Listen, you numbskulls-- -Okay, I'm here.
Get out of the way.
Boy, are we glad to see you.
What are you waiting for? Places everybody.
[all] Yeah!
-Gangway. -Geronimo.
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They make great pizza But that ain't all♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They're ready to fight When you need them just call♪
♪ They know how to fight crime Just do as they say♪
♪ If you don't want a bad time, Stay out of their way♪
Oh, I love those cats.
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ The heroes who always Wear fur♪
[Francine] Okay, everyone. Time for another blast off.
Once again, close your eyes, cover your ears,
and ignore that man who's going through your pockets.
He's with us. Thank you.
Kaboom!
Ka-ping. Ka-powie.
Hey, Mom. Can I be a Pizza Cat when I grow up?
Well, you're short and funny looking,
you're on the right track.
That rat's going to pay for what he's done.
[narrator] But the giant Easter egg, or football,
whatever, appears unstoppable.
This is one egg that can't be beat.
"An egg that can't be beaten."
Not bad. That's a funny line.
[Speedy laughs]
What a scream. That line is about as funny
as hooping mouth disease. Who rights your material,
Bad Bird?
I wrote that one myself.
Oops, well, if I were you, I'd run and hide, turkey legs.
'Cause we can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs.
Bet you're starting to feel queasy,
'cause you know this fight will be super easy.
Okay, enough with the rhyming couplets.
Let's rock the little creep.
[all] Pizza Cats.
[yells]
[laughs]
What a hopeless bunch.
Hey, all this talk of breakfast has made me hungry.
I'm in the mood for some pussy cat pancakes.
How about you guys?
Watch out, it's tipping this way.
Look back, is it gaining on us?
You look, I'm busy right now.
Keep running. Who cares if it's ganging on us?
Hey, I'd just like to know, that's all.
We're going to need some help.
[narrator] Even the most fearless heroes
have someone they can call on when things get rough.
Luke Skywalker had Obi Wan Kenobi,
John Wayne had the US cavalry,
Ozzy had Harriet.
When things are going bad for the Samurai Pizza Cats,
they call on the supreme Catatonic.
[roars]
Well, it's about time.
Presenting the Ginzu Goonie Birds,
the ferocious fleet of flying fighting machines.
Will they be in time to save our heroes?
And now, as if one spectacular
costume change per episode weren't enough,
the Pizza Cats undergo a whole new fashion makeover.
Pointy steel boots to wreak havoc on an enemy's shins.
Titanium shoulder pads to improve posture.
And of course, the fibro-action chest plate
for that, "I just got out of the gym,
and aren't I buff," look.
Put it all together, and you have the auto-pilot
proportion pod collection.
And if you order before midnight tonight,
we'll throw in absolutely free, this handy dandy
pair of wings, with self-contained power pack.
Don't wait. Call today.
This cartoon's one long commercial.
I just hate that.
Pitch your stupid products in your own time!
I get it. A communist, huh?
You stinking, no good--
Would anyone happen to have a nail file on them?
Not now. We're on the air.
[narrator] Uh, oh. Looks like the gender bender butterfly
has made Speedy a little light headed for the moment.
Unfortunately, the Supreme Catatonic is a real man's man.
Well, actually, it's a robot. But it's a real man's robot.
And it knows when to take charge of the situation.
[meows]
[Polly] Come on, he's trying to tell us something.
[laser beam]
[yells]
Next time, ask him to put it in a letter.
[Polly] Hang on, we're going in!
Is that the prettiest thing.
Yoo-hoo, wait for me.
I think I just chipped a nail.
[narrator] We all have our crosses to bear.
Let's see what this poor man's Tony the Tiger'smade of.
[cracking]
Exposed as the worm I really am. Time to evolve.
What the heck's that?
Good news. I didn't break a nail after all.
Oh!
[Polly] Speedy, you twit. Get out of the way.
Oh!
At last, I feel like a man.
Don't expect miracles. In the meantime, watch out behind you!
Where?
[narrator] Not since the days of Gargo and Godzilla
have we seen such a pair of opponents.
With the possible exception of the first Ali Frazier fight.
Hey, that ain't fair.
I don't remember anyone using
pixie dust in the Ali Frazier fight.
That does it! I'm going to have to take care of this myself.
I'll hit them with everything but that kitchen sink.
Let's see how he likes this.
And this.
What are you doing? Cleaning house?
I admire how you keep this place so neat.
Hey, don't go overboard.
[yells]
This isn't good at all for my self-esteem.
It's enough to make a girl blow her top.
[narrator] Meanwhile, having pixie dusted our heroes,
Bad Bird is moving in for the kill.
Huh? What's the big idea? Who's throwing stuff?
Yikes! That's that babe with the nuclear handle!
[cries]
[explosion]
-Gotcha. New haircut? -Oh!
That's the last straw. Not only have you flooded
the city with insects who mess with my masculinity,
but you called my girlfriend a babe!
You have it, pal. Now the fur is going to fly.
[narrator] And when Speedy says that, we know what it means,
don't we? It means that it's--
Party time! Yee-yow!
[explosion]
What overacting. And he gets away with it.
It's called star power, baby.
Yeah!
[narrator] At last, peace is restored,
and love is free to bloom again.
Bucky, you've recovered!
[laughing]
You're a man again!
But Cheese isn't so happy.
[Jerry] Control yourself just this once.
[explosion]
[narrator] And so Little Tokyo is back to normal once again
thanks to the efforts of the Samurai Pizza Cats.
And thanks to one in particular, the bold and the beautiful,
Francine!
Come on. Thanks to who?
Thanks to me!
Don't let it go to your head, kid.
Your agent forced us to put that line in.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Samurai Pizza Cat fan club oath.
The Pizza Cats are samurai,
and I'd like to note:
their antics take your breath away
like fur balls in your throat.
We kittens are a special breed.
We never call a retreat.
Whenever Big Cheese knocks us down,
we land upon our feet.
[narrator] So hail to thee, oh, Pizza Cat.
Please ring your little bell.
Although you may be pen and ink,
-we know you'll fight like-- -Pizza Cats!
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ We hope you liked the show,♪
♪ It's the best That we could do♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ If you could do better, Then we'd leave it up to you♪
♪ Just a reminder, You might like to know♪
♪ The cats will be back For another big show♪
Oh, gosh.
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They're fighting crime Oh, yes♪
♪ All over town♪
♪ Two, four, six, eight♪
♪ Why do we expectorate?♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
Read all the credits so you'll know who did the work.
♪ Samurai Pizza cats♪